I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I hate all girls vehemently.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
