to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
