so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
