I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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