Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
