I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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