Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
