2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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