How'd it feel making her break her religion?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
