please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
