someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
