Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
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There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
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he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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