i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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