She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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