I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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