I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
