all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
