My Higher Power is John Stamos
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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