The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
