Someone shit on the floor
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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