I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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