you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
