I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
