i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
