i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
