i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
