I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
