I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
