plz talk dirty to me
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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