eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
