WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Watching her eat just hurts me
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
