OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
