I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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