That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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