Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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