What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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