just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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