3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Randomize
