just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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