I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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