I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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