I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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