I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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