Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
