I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
