I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize