he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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