i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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