I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
