Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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