Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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