I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
