please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
