small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
