I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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