: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm passing your future prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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