Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
