R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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