Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
