just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My ATM looks so different sober.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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